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New York Monthly Herald. June 2006 Issue P. 125

PERSONAL HISTORY BY ILIL ARBEL, PH.D.                                                                                                                Courtesy of the European Journal
 
 

YOUR LIFE IS IMPORTANT...YOU ARE IMPORTANT...SO ARE YOUR MEMORIES AND PERSONAL HISTORY!

 

This page could change your whole life. Perhaps, just perhaps, it could make your life and the life of your beloved ones, parents and friends, prettier and memorable. Dr. Ilil Arbel is offering a unique opportunity to cherish, preserve and "safeguard" our dearest moments, memories and personal history...

In this section, we present a selection of true short stories, each based on the memoirs of one of our readers, or of those of his or her older relatives. Every life has many stories and any memoir can be of interest - tell us how your great aunt immigrated to America from Italy, how you worked summers on your grandfather's farm in Iowa, how you celebrated the holidays in Budapest as a child, or how your father met a famous actress when he worked as an extra in a Biblical movie - anything goes! 

To have your story appear on the Agency's site, please e-mail a short query to let us know what you have in mind. If your story is selected, we will ask you to send us your written notes, or a tape on which you recorded your story.  .We would also like to have one photograph to enhance the story. Then, we will rewrite or edit as needed, and your story will be available for the entire world to enjoy - entirely free of charge!

This section is related to another service - we can turn your memoirs into a full-length, beautiful book, and have it published by a reputable POD publishing house. If you are interested in this service, please let us know so we can acquaint you with the terms.

___________________________________________________________________________

CHAIM LEON STOBNICK

By Dianne Ettl, as told to Ilil Arbel

 

“I’d like to live to be a hundred and twenty, so I can see all the wonderful things to come. And at the right time, I’d probably ask for another twenty.” Chaim said that as he was celebrating his one hundredth birthday at his beloved Day Center of the Jewish Home and Hospital in Manhattan, surrounded by other seniors and the staff – all of whom adored him. Unfortunately, he did not live to be as old as that, having passed away a month short of the age of one hundred and four.

All the wonderful things to come? This is not a statement one hears very often. Many people, much younger than Chaim, lose their optimism and their zest for living as the years go by. Chaim maintained an enormous love of life. “To think of all the marvelous technological and scientific advances I’ve seen over the past century is amazing. I can only wonder what the next fifty years will produce? The young people of today are living in a wonderful age.” Evidently, no “good old days” regrets for Chaim.

Who was this unusual person? What was Chaim really like? The story of this interesting gentleman, jauntily sporting a French Beret, contains quite a bit of mystery.

Chaim was born in Poland to a comfortable middle class, intellectual Jewish family, one of eight brothers and sisters. Well educated in both religious and secular studies, he possessed the peculiar linguistic abilities shared by many Polish Jews. Chaim spoke, read and wrote Polish, Yiddish, English, and German. Later, when he unexpectedly found himself in a new country, he quickly learned Portuguese.

In 1939, at age 38, Chaim was successfully employed as an accountant in a chemical industry firm. Life was good despite the growing political threat. A faded photo of a beautiful, elegantly dressed young lady walking with three other people in a wooded area, is evidence that life was not all work and no fun. When I met Chaim, he still carried this picture in his wallet, and a little questioning revealed that this was his fiancé. I was surprised. In the 1930s, most men married early, usually in their twenties. Why was a charming man like Chaim still a bachelor? Of course I could not ask such a question and we will never know.

In June of that fateful year, Chaim embarked on a journey to far-off Brazil. One can imagine him enjoying his cruise, possibly chatting with the other men, definitely flirting with the ladies. It was a business trip, and the government allowed him to take only the equivalent of $60.00 out of the country. This was normal, and what did it matter, anyway? Arriving on July 6th, he expected to return to his home, his family and his fiancé in a couple of months. However, in September war broke out in Europe, and like so many other people, Chaim was stranded in San Paolo. He would never see his family again, and we do not know the fate of his lovely fiancé. All we know is that Chaim’s entire family was murdered during the Holocaust.

And there he was, alone, no money, no language, no close friends, no employment of any kind. Nothing but his wits to live by. However, adversity could not keep Chaim down. Naturally, with his amazing linguistic ability, it took him no time to learn Portuguese, and I even suspect that between July and September he had already mastered a sufficient vocabulary to start hunting for a job. With his likable personality, he may have also come across various opportunities and made at least some casual acquaintances, if not yet real friends. He started out in different ventures, attempting to find his niche. For a short time he tried to work with the big steel industries, but when this did not work out, he turned to smaller businesses and eventually ended up in the field of women’s lingerie. The business was located in San Paolo, and Chaim would spend twenty-eight years there. He told me little about his personal life, I only know that he had married, but I do not know his wife’s name, or anything else about her, really. She is another mystery.

Working in the undergarment and foundation business required frequent trips to New York City. Falling in love with the big city, Chaim considered these trips a bonus. Despite the horror of losing his family and his fiancé, and the disruption of his life caused by the abrupt separation from his homeland, Chaim was able to rise above the grief and disorientation, even learning to enjoy his new life. He always reached out to other people, helping those in need, and naturally made many friends and useful connections. At some point, I do not know the exact date, he joined three friends in a new enterprise – building condominiums in Rio de Janeiro. It turned out to be a great success, and Chaim made enough money to become financially independent. It was time to start evaluating his life, and thinking how he would like to spend the rest of it.

In 1968, by then a sixty-seven years old widower, Chaim reached a momentous decision. He would sell his share in the partnership, pack his bags, and move to the city of his dreams. A whole new adventure! He could not know it, yet, but the exciting life in America would inspire him to develop his amazing talents. It is here that he would become a superb poet and an accomplished artist.

Of course, the talents always existed, but they were not developed. As a young man he wanted to study art, and with a different life would have probably become a professional fine artist. However, his mother, a loving and very traditional woman, was concerned that painting will not allow him to make a living, and discouraged him from pursuing art as a career. So Chaim reached his mid-sixties before he decided that the time had come for following his dream.

 

***

 

Photo credit: Ed Silverman.

 

I have never found out what he did when arriving in New York. All I know is that typically, he tried to connect with others, to help. He completed a course in “Seniors Teaching Seniors” at Columbia University and became a volunteer. But I do not know where he volunteered, or where he lived.

Eventually even people like Chaim grow older and need a little help. He came to our Jewish Home and Hospital, where it was arranged for him to live under the conditions of assisted living at the Red Oak Apartments, a part of the Jewish Home and Hospital Enriched Housing Program. It was situated right across the street from the Home on the Upper West Side in Manhattan, an exciting area full of good restaurants, fun shopping, and diverse population. This was assisted living at its best – Chaim lived alone and led an independent life, the dream of so many senior citizens. A hot dinner, a home health aid for laundry and cleaning, and an available social worker helped him manage his life beautifully. And every day, he would come to the program that enriched his life so much at the Day Center.

The program that was offered by the Day Center functioned like a combination of a social setting and a medical facility. The members participated in choosing activities to suit their tastes and talents. It included meals, health seminars, holiday observances and celebrations, discussion groups, and visits to museums, concerts, movies, and theater. The members were also taken on shopping trips which were great fun – just because a person is older does not mean he, or particularly she, has lost the love of shopping! Chaim enjoyed the activities and the company tremendously. And here the miracle happened – Chaim picked up the brushes and the paints he dreamed about for so long  – and produced magnificent paintings. He was supplied with all the materials he wanted, both at the center and at his apartment, and threw himself into his art with joy and exuberance that still sparkle when you look at his art.

When I came to work at the Day Center, I noticed this dapper gentleman, wearing his little French Beret, and asked who he was. My coworker told me he was a painter and introduced me to him. I asked him to show me what he did, and was amazed by what I saw. Chaim was delighted when I told him how impressive I thought his art was. I started arranging exhibitions, and we slowly became good friends. I used to recognize the sound of his shuffling slow gait from a distance as he religiously walked every day down the hall to see if the NY Times has arrived, so he could read the book reviews. I would immediately hand it to him. The NY Times was a symbolic ritual. He never gave up on learning and growing, even when he reached an age when many feel the need to slow down. Life went on, his social life and his art kept him busy and content. He went to services every Saturday, ate kosher, and was devoted to tradition, and that supplied him with additional stability and comfort.

                And then he surprised me again by confessing another secret talent. All this time Chaim was also writing poetry. His poems were magnificent. Sensitive, lyrical, full of haunting imagery, I knew they would touch anyone who read them. Curiously, as he worked on his old-fashioned typewriter, he typed them in a block, without attention to lines. As he gave them to me I arranged them in poetic shape, and added a title on each page. He was thrilled by the new look. The poems were regularly published in various magazines and newsletters associated with the home, such as Vim and Vigor Magazine, the Evergreen Newsletter, and the GO Newsletter. He also wrote a couple of short stories. One was based on mythology, and the other about his memories and his past.

                I see Chaim as the personification of lifelong learning. When his arm was temporarily injured, he increased his reading. When his eyes became a little too weak for the New York Times and for certain books, he requested audio tapes. Nothing stopped Chaim from living life to the full.

 

***

 

Of course, the years do tell, and eventually Chaim became frailer and needed to use a cane, then a walker. He handled it well, but after a while, disaster struck. Alone in his apartment, he fell down and injured himself. After undergoing  successful treatment at the hospital, he went into rehabilitation. The rehabilitation department was located at the Jewish Home and Hospital, and he could not go back and forth to his apartment every day, it was simply not physically possible. So they found him a room at the nursing home division. Of course, they saved his apartment for him, and he was promised that as soon as he got better, he could go home.

                He wanted to go home so badly, but could not do so right away. Indeed, as soon as he began healing he requested it, but the social worker could not discharge him because certain documentation was not in order. Correcting it took months. His home attendant kept wheeling him often in his wheelchair to talk to the social worker. She kept trying to get past the bureaucracy, and finally she succeeded. She planned to get him twenty-four hours home care, and all seemed to be well. Only one obstacle remained. They had to find a family member who would be willing to assume responsibility. This relative would be the “contact person” or guardian, who was to be available in case of an emergency. Without such a contact, a senior citizen in such a frail condition could not be discharged and live on his own. It seemed a simple thing to arrange, but Chaim had no family other than one cousin, who could not assume responsibility due to her own old age. She had to refuse.

                The social worker told Chaim that he could not go back to the Red Oak Apartments, and she would come and help him sort things out before letting go of the apartment. In itself, it was not so terrible, but she also had to tell Chaim that he could not visit the Day Center while living as a resident of the nursing home. The system would not pay for both at the same time. This was a heavy blow and Chaim’s heart was broken.

                He had lost his will to live all at once, and that was the end. Three days later he was back in the hospital. The next day the social worker announced that she heard that Chaim died. We were in a state of shock. We somehow thought he would never die. Worse, we felt that the system failed us miserably. And yet, I do not want to dwell on the sadness, but rather to celebrate a full life of grace, beauty, and strength of character. Let the paintings and the poems speak for Chaim.

Photo credit: Dianne Ettl.

THE POET

 

God drops a tear and a poet is born,

Formed of susceptible chords men call “soul”;

Colors are his inspiration, wreckage gets his compassion.

 

Trees are telling stories, wind brings greetings,

And dignified mountains are bearing events.

Sun’s ascent elates; descent produces gloom.

 

And the poet turns away from night,

The partner of the wicked,

For hiding the culprit.

 

And the stars too,

Creatures of moon’s debauchery,

Find in night sanctuary.

 

And the poet sings odes to flowers –

Touched, they shed tears – but men, not grasping

The poet’s meaning, show sympathy to his “insanity.”

 

 

STATUE OF LIBERTY

 

Floating to America’s shore,

Beating a path for waves of emigrants,

Like a devoted mother.

Liberty Lady with torch in hand,

Illuminates tides of flocks,

Reaching America’s coast.

Not despair or worry,

Destiny has in store,

Freedom, Liberty for all.

A dream of old,

In America,

Becomes a reality,

Holds forever high your torch,

Mother Liberty.

 

 

 
 

 

PERSONAL HISTORY : PREVIOUS ARTICLE

YOUR LIFE IS IMPORTANT...YOU ARE IMPORTANT...SO ARE YOUR MEMORIES AND PERSONAL HISTORY!

 

This page could change your whole life. Perhaps, just perhaps, it could make your life and the life of your beloved ones, parents and friends, prettier and memorable. Dr. Ilil Arbel is offering a unique opportunity to cherish, preserve and "safeguard" our dearest moments, memories and personal history...

In this section, we present a selection of true short stories, each based on the memoirs of one of our readers, or of those of his or her older relatives. Every life has many stories and any memoir can be of interest - tell us how your great aunt immigrated to America from Italy, how you worked summers on your grandfather's farm in Iowa, how you celebrated the holidays in Budapest as a child, or how your father met a famous actress when he worked as an extra in a Biblical movie - anything goes! 

To have your story appear on the Agency's site, please e-mail a short query to let us know what you have in mind. If your story is selected, we will ask you to send us your written notes, or a tape on which you recorded your story.  Email us at editor@europeanjournal.net .We would also like to have one photograph to enhance the story. Then, we will rewrite or edit as needed, and your story will be available for the entire world to enjoy - entirely free of charge!

This section is related to another service - we can turn your memoirs into a full-length, beautiful book, and have it published by a reputable POD publishing house. If you are interested in this service, please let us know so we can acquaint you with the terms.

 

Rebecca and Danilo As told to Ilil Arbel

Photo: Rebecca and Danilo.

Separating from Danilo was the worst part. We grew up together in our little village, our houses stood side by side and our parents were best friends. We thought of ourselves as brother and sister. Each day we played in our adjoining yards, creating our own little world of magic. I remember the scent of snow in winter, the clean earth and growing herbs in spring and summer. Our childhood was so good, so secure. At the time it was enough, more than enough. Who would have thought we could fall in love, too? But that is exactly what happened. As Danilo and I were in our teens, he was sent to the Gymnasium in Odessa, and I stayed at the local school. We only saw each other on vacations and soon enough realized how we really felt about each other.

 

As World War I started our peaceful little world came to a sudden end. Danilo’s father, a doctor, was drafted into the army. His mother, unable to support Danilo and the two younger children, moved in with relatives in another town, I now forget which, it was so long ago. I cried and cried for a whole week when they left, but they promised to keep in touch and for a while we did exchange letters. My parents tried to comfort me, but I only cheered up when I received a letter. Even that did not last long, and all communications stopped. “It is war,” my parents explained. “You cannot rely on the post office.”

We had a very hard time through the war, but I don’t want to talk about it. My parents did their best, and my sister and I helped as much as we could. The one good thing was that my father, also a doctor like Danilo’s father, was never drafted. By 1919, after the war was over, my parents managed to get a visa, and decided the time was right to go to Israel, where we had some cousins living in Jerusalem. I would have loved the idea of the trip, except for knowing that I would never find Danilo. I sat by my window for an hour or so after my father made the announcement and gazed at the sunset. The cold green sky deepened my sense of loneliness. I knew that I could not find Danilo in Russia, either, we have tried again and again, but to leave Russia was to accept the fact that I will never see him.

Our trip was harrowing; we encountered filthy, flea-infested trains, constant threat of disease, hunger, and real danger at every border. I won’t go into details, the trip is another story which should be saved for another time. After a year or so we were in Jerusalem, got an apartment, and lived in reasonable comfort. My sister became a midwife, like my mother, and I became a teacher. My father quickly found work at the hospital and so did my mother.

I was now in my mid-twenties. In those days girls were expected to be married at that age. Not only was I pressured to do so, I must admit that I wanted a family of my own, a home, and children very much indeed. My sister married quickly – she met a very nice young man whom we all loved – and she and I had a talk about it. She said, “I understand that you still love Danilo, Rebecca.”

“I do,” I admitted. “However, most likely he is dead. Even if he were alive, he probably assumed long ago that you were dead and very likely got married. You can’t mourn your entire life for what might have been, you know. Marry, have a family, and forget.” I had to admit that was good advice, and I started dating.

As time went by I found myself attracted to a young man named Saul who was well established in his father’s business, an accounting firm. He was handsome and intelligent, and when he asked me to marry him I accepted. I knew I would never forget Danilo, but I was determined to be a good wife to Saul and hopefully, some day, a good mother.

We were married for fifteen years and had three wonderful children when one day I was walking home from work. I was a little tired and somehow I bumped into a man who was walking toward me. Looking up to apologize, I saw Danilo! We stood gaping at each other in disbelief. Both of us alive, both of us in Jerusalem! How could that be? We cried, but with happiness. Knowing that we both survived was enough to make us happy. Eventually we went to a café to talk and compare stories. He told me that he was married too, and had two children.

“It’s very sad, Rebecca,” he told me. “My wife, Dorothea, is not well. She is living in a mental institution. I try my best to help her and to give her everything she needs, but she will never recover.” “Well,” I said, “I’ll tell you my sad truth, too. My husband is an alcoholic. He is not a bad man, but when he drinks he is occasionally violent. Bringing up three children under the roof of an alcoholic was not easy. He is better now, under special care, but his liver is not well.”

“So you all live in Jerusalem, Rebecca?”
“Yes, we do. How about you?”
“I live here with the children. Dorothea’s hospital is in Tel-Aviv. I go there twice a week.”

We sat and reflected of how sad life could be. But meeting each other was a joy, and we could be good friends again. We stopped by Danilo’s home, got his children, and I brought them all home with me. I introduced Danilo to Saul as my “long lost brother” and we had a pleasant dinner. I made up my mind to help Danilo as best I could with his teen-age children, since he was alone, and never to seek anything other than friendship. I will be his sister, just the way I was when we were little children. I don’t know what Danilo thought about the matter, but we both behaved, from then on, as brother and sister.

Many years passed. I had visited Dorothea from time to time and did as much as I could for her, and she liked me. She would smile when I came into her room, the poor thing. I always brought her a little gift and she loved that. Eventually she died, very peacefully. Danilo’s children did very well and were now on their own, as were mine. At the same time, Saul became sicker and sicker. He could not control his drinking, no matter what we had attempted, and his liver finally gave up. One summer morning he asked me to forgive the sorrow he brought me and passed away. I was fifty-nine years old.

Of course, my friendship with Danilo never stopped. We saw each other all the time, we were family. Our children were like cousins. And yet I knew that I had never really stopped loving him. I was a good and faithful wife to Saul, but I had never loved anyone but Danilo. I did not know how he felt about me, and naturally I was not about to ask. We never talked about our feelings, and everything seemed so complicated, so difficult. Then one day, about a year after Saul’s death, we sat together in a café, drinking tea and talking about nothing special. Suddenly Danilo put his cup down and shocked me by saying, without any warning, “Rebecca, why shouldn’t we get married? We never talked about it, but you know we have never stopped loving each other all these years. We have fulfilled all our obligations. What is to stop us?” Suddenly everything seemed so simple, so beautiful. Indeed, what was there to stop us? What were the complications I was envisioning? The children were grown, Dorothea and Saul died peacefully, well looked after. We were free. I started crying, but with joy.

So we made our plans, quietly, without telling anyone what we had in mind. One day in spring we threw a huge party and invited everyone, children, friends, relatives. It was a lovely party with wonderful food and everybody was having a good time. In the middle of the party Danilo climbed on a chair and cried “Ladies and gentlemen – I have an announcement!” Everyone raised their heads in anticipation. They knew we were “dating” and indeed expected us to announce our engagement. Instead, Danilo said, “You should all know that yesterday Rebecca and I eloped and were secretly married! Let’s all have a glass of champagne!”

The entire room became completely silent with surprise. Suddenly a huge applause broke out and the guests were laughing and clapping, congratulating us on both our marriage and our sneakiness. And we are still very happy together – life is good!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Photo: Author and personal biographer, Ilil Arbel.

 

MAIMONIDES BY DR. ILIL ARBEL

 

"One of the 10 best books of the year." World Jewish News Agency.

"Comprehensive, authoritative, fun and most needed. A great addition to the world Judaica history and literature.". MDL, International Herald Daily News

  • Hardcover: 192 pages

  • Publisher: Crossroad 8th Avenue (September 25, 2001)

  • Language: English

  • ISBN: 0824523598

  • Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 5.6 x 0.8 inches

  • Price: 19.95 

Amazon.com Sales Rank: #84,167 in Books

 

The book is availabe at: All Barnes and Noble and Borders bookstores and many local stores. Directly from the publisher Amazon.com, Borders.com and Barnes&Noble.com

Maimonides : A Spiritual Biography (Lives and Legacies.) -- by Ilil Arbel; Hardcover (Rate it)
Buy new: $19.95 -- Used & new from: $8.78  

 The Lemon Tree -- by Ilil Arbel, Ida Rosenfeld; Paperback
Buy new: $11.95 -- Used & new from: $7.31

 

Ilil Arbel is a

PERSONAL HISTORIES: PRESERVING MEMORIES, By Ilil Arbel

 

dragnset.gif - 57901 BytesAll too often, the idea of personal histories brings to mind an image of genealogical research, or a tedious list of dates, places and events. Perhaps a family tree, with some pictures of family members pasted on it. This is the wrong idea. Personal histories are the most exciting stories in the world – stories that mirror people’s lives and souls. They are true stories, sometimes heart-wrenching, sometimes hilariously funny, tales of the deepest human interest.

Everyone has a story. This unique, valuable tale expresses the thoughts, feelings, and events of an individual life. No one else can tell it – the deeply personal circumstances, the joys, the sorrows, the adventures can only be expressed by the person who has experienced them. You could write it yourself if you enjoy writing, and if not, you could share it with a personal historian. Working together, you will make this priceless information available to your family, friends, and perhaps – who knows?  Even to a larger audience. Many personal biographies have been published with great success.

Do you believe that only celebrities should have their memories preserved and published? So many people make this mistake! To those who love you, your story is more meaningful, personal, and exciting than the repetitive biographies of movie stars or political figures. Your biography, prepared and printed as a beautiful book, or preserved as a video, is a permanent legacy that will enrich your own life and stay with your family forever.

Personal historians? What are these mysterious beings? Most people have never heard about their work. These are individuals who are so passionately devoted to the idea of preserving memories that they have made it into a profession; certainly it is also a mission. They even have a non-profit organization, to which I proudly belong, called The Association of Personal Historians. We work in many media, each according to their tastes and abilities. People create videos, audiotapes, and privately printed books. Since I am a writer, I prefer printed and published books. But I wanted to add an exciting bonus. The books I write for my clients can be published by a very reputable print-on-demand publisher, and thus are available on Amazon.com, Barnesandnoble.com, Borders.com, and the publisher. Anyone in the family or in the other side of the world can order it directly!

A book can be a very beautiful object, ready to send out to family and friends. It must be well written, illustrated with photographs, and professionally produced. A daunting project? Not really! Done in easy steps, this is the system that I, and some other personal historians, tend to follow. 

1. The client and the personal historian meet and talk about the project, and then a contract is signed by the two parties. Contracts vary a great deal. In my case, and in the case of other personal historians, the client pays a flat fee, and all publishing expenses are paid by the personal historian.

2. Over a few meetings, the client and the personal historian meet and record their conversations. Or, alternatively, the personal historian can supply the client with a fun questionnaire, aimed to prod the memory, if the client prefers writing to recording. Sometimes the two methods are combined. 

3. The personal historian turns the memories into a manuscript, combining the client’s voice and personality with the personal historian’s professional writing skill and style. Plenty of time is needed for that step – the personal historian normally spends at least ten hours to each hour of recording! Then, the book is submitted the client’s approval.

4. The book is published by the above-mentioned print-on-demand publisher. Stored electronically, it will never go out of print or require a second edition. The publisher will print as many or as few books as the client wishes, so the client never invests large sums in a huge edition at a vanity press.

5. These books can be either soft cover or hardcover, depending on the client’s preference. The client receives a few free books. Since this becomes a real trade book, he or she can order additional copies directly from the publisher, Borders.com Barnesandnoble.com, or Amazon.com.

Alternatively, I sometimes create a shorter, basic version of a personal biography in the form of a booklet, with about ten pages and up to five photographs. It can become the core of a permanent scrapbook – another form of preserving memories. They can very nicely complement each other. This version is produced in-house in a desktop publishing format, and bound in a way that allows the person to remove the pages easily and photocopy as many booklets as he or she wishes. Well and good, you say. But why bother? Would it really matter ten, twenty, fifty years from now? Yes, it would. It would matter a great deal. Unfortunately, many senior citizens or their families do not realize it until it is too late, and reaching the public, explaining the need, is not always easy. Recently I attended a meeting of the New York members of the Association of Personal Historians. A varied and interesting group, they impressed me with their keen judgment regarding reaching the public. The entire group agreed that the only way to reach people is to make them realize the horrible loss, the regret, and the sorrow, of not being able to record their parents’ or grandparents’ memories. Can you really tolerate the feeling that you could have had this priceless treasure trove of family history, adventure, life itself, and did not do so when you had the chance?

One of the members told us about a videotape he made of his grandmother. It was a wonderful record. Years later, after the grandmother already passed away, the man and his mother sat down to watch the priceless tape – only to realize, to their horror, that most of it was accidentally recorded over by the mother! Her reaction was heart breaking. She said, quietly: “I will never forgive myself.”

Can you forgive yourself if you had the chance to preserve the memories, and you have not done so? For your children, your nephews and nieces, anyone in your extended family down the generations. This is why so many personal historians see their work as a mission.  How does one become a personal historian? There are as many answers as the number of people who do it. Of course, the easiest way is to tell about it is discussing my own experience.

I am a writer. I have written in many fields, including fiction, natural history, medicine, business writing, fiction, and children writing. But my favorite kind of writing is biography, oral history, and tales. One of my previous books was a biography of the hilosopher Maimonides. Currently, I am working on a biography of Hillel the Elder. I am also a regular contributor to Encyclopedia Mythica, an award-winning, on-line encyclopedia of myth and folklore. I have written numerous articles for them on Judaic myths. In addition, I retold various folktales that were told to me over the years by individuals who did not want them lost, but could not write them or publish them on their own. I feel that preserving these tales, memories, and oral histories is a privilege and a joy. One of my greatest treasures was the body of stories my mother told me, since my earliest childhood, about her own childhood in Siberia. Being a story hound, I never could have enough of it and always demanded more. The touching tale of her brother Sasha, who planted a lemon seed that floated in his tea, was always very poignant to me. Sasha succumbed to a deadly childhood illness, and his dying wish was that his family, who planned to immigrate to Israel, would take his tiny lemon tree and plant it in an Israeli orchard. The family indeed immigrated to Israel, carrying the little lemon tree on the Trans-Siberian line in cattle trains. They faced serious dangers, such as being shot by Manchurian officials, contagious diseases that had no cure in 1919, chasing a runaway train, being stranded in Shanghai and facing arrest in Egypt. This was a yearlong journey of harrowing experiences and great hopes.

Twenty years ago I persuaded my mother to write a few notes so that the story will not die. I was afraid I might forget something. Surprisingly, I never forgot anything. Every word she ever told me, and she was an extraordinary storyteller, was imprinted on my memory. Between the oral tales and the notes, I had everything needed for a good story. One night I reread the notes, quietly jotted down points from the oral stories, and realized that the tiny lemon tree provided a thread that could give me a book. And so I finally had my story. All that remained to worry about were the family photographs. I had the opportunity to learn how to scan and repair the wonderful old pictures in my albums through Photoshop. Once this was accomplished, I had a finished book. It was published, and happily it was well received and had some very encouraging reviews.  People saw it, and suddenly a lot of information started reaching me from both the US and Israel, telling me that other individuals were doing something very similar – writing family histories. In Israel it mostly, though not exclusively, deals with memories of Holocaust survivors. In America it can be anything at all; there is so much exciting personal history in this country, experienced by such a diverse and dynamic population, waiting to be told. And one day a friend e-mailed me the URL for the website of the Association of Personal Historians. One look and my fate was sealed. I joined and became a personal historian. More than anything else, this work spoke to me because I have a strong sense of the glory of everyday experience. I do not believe that there is such a thing as a boring or an uninspiring life.

Think about the biographies published every day about movie stars, athletes, and political figures. Undoubtedly, they are often well researched and beautifully written. But how repetitive the stories are! The climb to fame is very much the same in all fields. Staying on top in the movie industry or sports is a tale that rarely changes. On the other hand, the lives of ordinary people are completely unique. Following a myriad of professions, lifestyles, religions, and hobbies. Living in towns, villages, cities, and rural areas. Having journeyed, escaped, immigrated, invented a cookie recipe, rescued dogs and cats, created a quilt, built a house, painted pictures, played chess with a chimp – the list is endless. All lives are diverse, dynamic, and exciting. I will never forget a story I heard from an elderly woman, a relative of a friend. She was well dressed, beautifully groomed, charming. I knew nothing about her but she seemed cultured and financially comfortable. I would have never guessed the story of her youth. I am not sure if this happened during the twenties or the thirties. She was orphaned when she was eighteen years old, and somehow no money at all was left when her parents died. She was entirely alone in the world, and few careers were open to young women at that time. In addition, this gently brought-up young girl was not educated in any skill that could have supported her at such a young age. Sure, she had her piano and painting lessons, and went to a normal school, but where would this get her? And yet she was proud, independent, and determined to support herself. Finally she found a job at a meat packing plant. Her story detailed a scene of grisly horror. She had to stick her hands into huge carcasses to extricate certain organs. She had to deal with large buckets of blood. All day long she had to smell the revolting products needed for the creation of sausages, mixed with the scent of blood and flesh. “No wonder,” she said quietly, smiling at my horror-stricken eyes, “that I became a life-long vegetarian.” How did she get out of this predicament? What events turned the tide for her? I don’t know and never will and it haunts me. What a pity that this woman’s memories are not properly recorded. What a book this could have made.

The fascination of personal memoirs can be in reading heroic deeds, but it can also relate to the details of everyday life. What games did grandma play with her brothers and sisters in Detroit, where they so happily grew up, and who taught her to bake her incredible cakes? Who came to Aunt Rachel’s sewing circle that had resulted in this magnificent crazy quilt that is still your pride and joy? How were the holidays celebrated in Budapest, before Uncle Joe had to escape and immigrate with his parents? How did your rural Irish family adapt so well to life in the Big City, after a harrowing ocean voyage? All that and so much more is part of the joy and the sense of mission a personal historian experiences every time he or she creates another precious treasure for a family or a community, for posterity, for ever. I simply cannot think about a single life that could not be the basis of a marvelous book.